Revan's Tears
by Sesshoumarus-Bunny
Summary: Sera Chan has just found out she is Revan, how far will she go to get redemption for herself in the eyes of her crew? Pairings are inside.
1. Hurt

Revan's Tears  
PG13 or T if I decide to change it.  
Pardon the grammatical errors since I have Carpel Tunnel and am wearing a wrist brace to stop the pain.

Disclaimers: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR THE PLOT AND MY CLOTHES!!!! X3 And my fantasies about Canderous ;

Hurt © Christina Agulara  
Yes I know you couldn't return to Dantooine after the Leviathan, but this is my plot and I want Revan to return to Dantooine for some soul searching

Pairing/s : LSF Revan/Carth in the beginning, Canderous/LSF Revan in the other chapters

Revan's Tears

Sera Chan sat up in a tree in the Ancient Grove in Dantooine, wiping away stray tears from her eyes. It was she who was the infamous Dark Lord, she was Darth Revan, Carth blamed her for his wife's loss, the bombing of Telos and he possibly held her in contempt for his son being in the Sith academy on Korriban.

Seems like it was yesterday

When I saw your face

You told me how proud you were,

But I walked away

If only I knew what I know today

Ooh, ooh

Carth's warm chocolate eyes burned with a obvious hatred for her, the woman that she never knew she was. But he didn't care, he saw her as Revan. Not Sera Chan, but Revan. If they were alone on the Ebon Hawk, he would have murdered her for sure. Mission stared in disbelief at her with tears in her eyes beginning to trickle down her blue cheeks.

I would hold you in my arms

I would take the pain away

Thank you for all you've done

Forgive all your mistakes

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To hear your voice again

Sometimes I wanna call you

But I know you won't be there

Oh how she wanted to hold Mission and cry with her…. But the glare she received from Carth after she took a step forward to hold the poor Twi'lek girl, she backed down and had to painfully watch her cry.

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you

For everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Zaalbar just glanced at her every once in a while… Sera Chan glanced around to see Juhani shaking her head in sadness and disbelief. Canderous stood there with a look of displacement and disbelief, Sera Chan knew what he was thinking 'This short woman is the woman who defeated Mandalore?! THIS IS REVAN?!!?!?!?!" 

Some days I feel broke inside

But I won't admit

Sometimes I just wanna hide

'Cause it's you I miss

And it's so hard to say goodbye

When it comes to this, ooh

She turned to and ran down the plank down into the plains of Dantooine. She ran past the kath hounds and straight into the Ancient grove, there were so many dead on Dantooine because of her…. Because of Malak's relentless chase to find her and Bastila. Now that Malak had Bastila, There was no hope….

Would you tell me I was wrong?

Would you help me understand?

Are you looking down upon me?

Are you proud of who I am?

Sera Chan gazed out at the sun setting on the freshly razed planet and she sobbed. Her memories of her first kiss, her first success at being a rookie scout on Onderon. Even the name Sera Chan was a hoax… She was living a lie. She was the reformed Revan, JedI Guardian, Former Sith Lord. Boy what a resume she had. She felt unbridled hatred and rage towards the council and Bastila. She wanted to be the woman that she was told that she was…….. But she couldn't live that lie any more… She was Revan. 

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To have just one more chance

To look into your eyes

And see you looking back

The hurt and betrayal that was in Carth's eyes made her soul shatter, It wasn't like she asked to be this way! She wanted to be Sera Chan again more than anything in the Republic. To have the respect and trust that her friends had in her, but it was long gone after they learned who she really was.

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you

For everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself, oh

Watching the native birds call to their mates, Sera Chan, now Revan felt a cold pit in her stomach. If she went back, either Canderous or Carth would murder her. She understood why both wanted her dead, but in her heart… She wanted them to kill her, so that she would have their mercy again….

If I had just one more day

I would tell you how much that I've missed you

Since you've been away

Ooh, it's dangerous

It's so out of line

To try and turn back time

Her soul was shattered and she lowered her head, mentally hearing Carth's shouts in her head; 'YOU'RE REVAN!!!?'

'you are nothing but a backstabbing Nal-Hutta joy girl!'

'YOU KILLED MY WIFE!!!! AND DESTROYED MY PLANET!!!'

'I knew there was a reason THEY sent YOU without a Master!!!'

She buried her head into her arms and wept. The only thing she remembered about being Revan was the location of the Star Maps and a few flashes of her fighting Bastila. That was all! Before she could state her side of the story to Carth, he jumped her about it and accused her of things she could not recall.

I'm sorry for blaming you

For everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself..

By hurting you

She looked at the small dagger that was attached to her boot that was given to her by Canderous, and she curled her hands into tight fists. And she stared up at the sky and made an audible vow to herself, "I will NOT become the monster I once was…. I will redeem myself…. Once again…. For I am not the Lie called Sera Chan…. I am Revan…."


	2. Broken

Revan's Tears  
PG13 or T if I decide to change it.  
Pardon the grammatical errors since I have Carpel Tunnel and am wearing a wrist brace to stop the pain.

Disclaimers: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR THE PLOT AND MY CLOTHES!!!! X3 And my fantasies about Canderous ;

Broken © seether and Amy lee  
Yes I know you couldn't return to Dantooine after the Leviathan, but this is my plot and I want Revan to return to Dantooine for some soul searching

Pairing/s : LSF Revan/Carth in the beginning, Canderous/LSF Revan in the other chapters

Revan's Tears

Revan jumped from her perch in the tree, it was on the verge of night on Dantooine. It was as good as anytime to head back to the Ebon Hawk, she still had to face everyone else, including T3-M4 and HK-47. She shuddered thinking on what that bronze assassin droid could do to her. She came up to the landing site of the Ebon Hawk and she saw Carth standing outside with his blaster in his hand with Canderous to his left. What she heard made her heart stop for a second. "we're going to search for her…. We have to make sure she's ok. We can't have her ripped to pieces by the Kath Hounds…. She knows where the Star Forge is!"

Revan ducked behind a rock and stepped on a stick effectively snapping it, she winced when she heard Carth exclaim " What was that!? Who's there?!!!" She took several steadying breaths to ease her palpitating heart and she stood up as the flood lights of the Ebon Hawk shone over her, raising her arms to shield her eyes from the harsh lights.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Carth held his breath as he saw Revan rise from behind a boulder and raise her arms to shield her from the light, her armor that she had taken off of Davik's corpse shone a brilliant violet, her shoulder blade length deep blonde hair caught the golden highlights in her hair making her hair glow. He felt a pang of guilt on how he shouted at her and swore at her.

Canderous stared at the same sight of Revan and immediately knew why his Mandalore fell in battle to her, she held an air of regality that was unmatched by the other Jedi. He saw her bloodshot eyes, she had never once called him a murderer even though he was one, she was interested in his past and war stories. She helped him cope with the death of Jagi. Now looking at her, he could see very clearly that she was broken.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore

Revan walked past Canderous and Carth without a word, up into the Ebon Hawk, and straight back to her quarters and locked and jammed the door. She withdrew the dagger and let more tears flow from her already swollen eyes. She held the blade to her wrist and cut and watched the crimson colored blood flow. She repeated the same action to the other wrist, that's where she made her mistake, she didn't cry out in pain. Juhani felt two sharp pangs of pain on her wrist and she ran down the plank to Carth and Canderous. "Carth 'Anderous!!! Somethings wrong wit' Revan!! The quarters door is jammed shut and wont open!!!"

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Canderous barreled into the ship and to Revan's quarters on the Starboard side of the ship, "REVAN!!! REVAN?!?!!!!" He pounded on the door when he heard sobbing, "DAMMIT WOMAN!!!" he kicked in the door after using an explosives device on it, when he walked in he saw twin pools of crimson flowing from her wrists, "REVAN!!!! CAAAAAAAAAAARRRRTH!!!"

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Carth came running in after Canderous had took her to the med bay and he was tending to her slit wrists, "When did she…." Canderous glared at him, "obviously after she came in here Republic!" Juhani was on the other side healing her and Revan let more tears roll down her face.

Revan glanced at Canderous who had not let go of her hand that was eclipsing her smaller one. "Why didn't you let me die?" Canderous stared at her, "Because if you weren't a Jedi, you would make one DAMN good Mandalorian!! And I cannot let the strongest woman I know die in my arms!" Revan turned her head and she sobbed openly. Canderous turned his head and let the Ex Sith Lord cry.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away  
You don't feel me here anymore


	3. Never Again

Revan's Tears  
PG13 or T if I decide to change it.  
Pardon the grammatical errors since I have Carpel Tunnel and am wearing a wrist brace to stop the pain.

Disclaimers: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR THE PLOT AND MY CLOTHES!!!! X3 And my fantasies about Canderous ;

Never Again © Kelly Clarkson  
Yes I know you couldn't return to Dantooine after the Leviathan, but this is my plot and I want Revan to return to Dantooine for some soul searching

Pairing/s : LSF Revan/Carth in the beginning, Canderous/LSF Revan in the other chapters

Revan's Tears

WARNING: DARK SIDE REVAN THOUGHTS AND CARTH BASHING! 

Revan paced up and down the hallways of the Ebon Hawk, listening to her bare feet hit the cold metal softly. Thinking of how Carth treated her and STILL has never given her an apology. "Stupid man…. Curled up so tightly and his insecurity, So up tight that you can put a piece of coal in his ass and in two weeks you'd have a diamond!" She marched into the Garage past Canderous smoking a cigarra .

I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green  
I hope when your in bed with her, you think of me  
I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well  
Could you tell, by the flames that burned your words

Canderous watched her pass and he knew she was pissed due to the fact that he could see bits of the Force spark from her fingertips, 'No wonder she beat us…. Someone pissed her off.'

Revan went into Missions room which was deserted, Carth made Revan move out of her bunk and into Missions old room which she got Revan's old bunk. Every night Carth would confiscate her Light saber, so she wouldn't revert to her 'sith-ish' self.

I never read your letter  
'Cos I knew what you'd say  
Give me that Sunday school answer  
Try and make it all OK

Revan punched the durasteel walls with her fists balled up tightly. "Stupid man… Stupid manipulative Jedi!!!! Oh I wish this wall were their faces!!!" Mustering her Strength she punched the wall and she heard a sickening crunch, "DAMMIT!"

Canderous came into her room, "What did you do now?" He looked at her hands covered in a blood soaked rag, "You have really got to quit punishing yourself for a bastard Republic pilot and a bitchy Jetti Princess!!"

Revan turned her head towards him, "You don't understand, everything I knew was a LIE!! The people that were my supposed 'parents' had their memories tampered with as well! If they knew that they were nursing the dark lord Revan back to health, I would have been killed!!!" Carth had poked his nosey head into the room, and Revan snarled, but Canderous grabbed the pilot by his hideous jacket, "Leave her alone! Don't butt into our conversation Republic!"

Does it hurt to know I'll never be there  
Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere  
It was you, who chose to end it like you did  
I was the last to know  
You knew exactly what you would do  
And don't say, you simply lost your way  
She may believe you but I never will  
Never again

Carth growled, "well when she goes Sith on you, don't come running to me!" as soon as he walked off Revan punched the durasteel wall with her injured hand again, "HE PISSES ME OFF!!!" remembering her promise to Juhani she began to recite the Code in her head " there is only Peace….there is no Emotion…."

If she really knows the truth, she deserves you  
A trophy wife, oh how cute  
Ignorance is bliss  
But when your day comes, and he's through with you  
And he'll be through with you  
You'll die together but alone

You wrote me in a letter  
You couldn't say it right to my face  
Give me that Sunday school answer  
Repent yourself away

Canderous sighed and wrapped his arm around Revan's shoulders, "Girlie, you need to quit that code babbling… Just don't listen to Captain Whines-A-Lot, and when we get the spoiled Jetti brat Bastila back, ignore her too."

Revan sighed, "Canderous…. I have to talk to Bastila.. But I can promise you this…. I'll ignore her comments about you…. And everyone else I love…. Now do you happen to have a Kolto pack?"

Canderous chuckled and smirked, "Only for a price my dear Jetti… a mere kiss"  
Revan cocked one of her finely shaped eyebrows, "A kiss…. Ok… Pucker up…." She looked over at Carth and she smirked and wrapped her leg around Canderous' waist drawing him close and she kissed him, tenderly.   
Seeing Revan kiss that Mandalorian, Carth became incensed and whirled around and stormed back to the cockpit. 

Never again will I hear you  
Never again will I miss you  
Never again will I fall to you  
Never

Never again will I kiss you  
Never again will I want to  
Never again will I love you  
Never

Revan broke the kiss after they needed air, she smiled dizzily and tried to move her leg from his waist. Canderous grabbed her leg, "Don't think about it… You started it…. I want to finish it.."  
Revan giggled, "You only said ONE kiss Canderous." She winked slyly.  
Canderous cursed, "cant you reconsider?"  
Revan laughed, "After you let my leg go and after you help me with my hand! Then… Maybe I will reconsider!"

Does it hurt to know I'll never be there  
Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere  
It was you, who chose to end it like you did  
I was the last to know  
You knew exactly what you would do  
And don't say, you simply lost your way  
They may believe you but I never will  
I never will  
I never will

Never again

Later that night after Canderous and Revan locked themselves in her room to talk and deal with repressed hormones, Carth knew he had shot himself proverbially in the ass about wanting to love Revan. But could he take her heart and make her fall in love with him instead of Canderous?

Hope you liked this chapter and remember to R/R!!! When you review please mention a song for the next chapter of Revan's Tears that you would like to see a flash back of Carth and Revan to!!!


	4. Everything

Revan's Tears  
PG13 or T if I decide to change it.  
Pardon the grammatical errors since I have Carpel Tunnel and am wearing a wrist brace to stop the pain.

Disclaimers: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR THE PLOT AND MY CLOTHES!!!! X3 And my fantasies about Canderous ;

Everything © Buckcherry

Pairing/s : Canderous/LSF Revan in the other chapters, LSF Revan/Carth flashbacks for this chapter

OH YEAH you have to watch this anime!! Ginga densetsu weed!!  
Revan's Tears

Carth sighed and leaned back into the Captains chair in the cockpit and he pinched the bridge of his nose. Memories of Revan and him flooded his closed eyes. She wasn't Revan then she was Sera Chan. A sweet smile for him whenever he made a silly comment and he could talk to her when he never opened up for anyone.

His chocolaty brown eyes opened and he immediately felt a warm trickle from his eyes, Carth Onasi never cried since his wife Morgana died on Telos. Well if you also account the reunion with his son Dustil on Korriban. He knew he lost Revan's heart when he screamed those slanderous words at her. But what hurt him worst was that he lost her to Canderous Ordo.

Buried way beneath the sheets

I think she's having a meltdown

Finding it hard to fall asleep

She won't let anyone help her

Sighing Carth rose from his chair and plotted the course to Manaan in the hyperspace computer. He went to get him a cup of Caffa to take some medicine for his lingering tension headache. After he poured his caffa, he looked at the door to her quarters opening and revealing a smiling Revan, for a moment his heart lifted when he saw her smile. But his heart crashed when he saw Canderous leave the room and when they shared an intimate kiss.

The look on her face, a waste of time

she won't let go gonna roll the dice

Losing her grace, starts to cry

I feel her pain when I look in her eyes

Carth gathered his caffa and walked back to the cockpit where Mission was waiting, "what do you want Mission?" He never meant for the words to sound acidic. Mission looked at him, "You're regretting everything aren't you? You shouldn't have been so mean like a Rancor during mating season to her! She didn't remember anything but you are slowly warping her back to what she once was!!! That's the reason she chose C-man over you!"  
Carth glared at Mission and spit back venomously, "If I asked for a KIDS opinion I would have said 'Kid, what's your opinion!' BUT I DIDN'T! I don't care for her! GET OUT OF HERE!"

I wanna be

I want everything, I want everything

Mission's eyes filled with tears and she ran out and to Revan's quarters, and pounded on the door. Hearing Canderous curse and Revan call out, "Hold on!" a Few precious seconds later Revan opened her quarters door, "Mission!" she saw Mission's tears in her eyes and trickling down her blue cheeks, "What's wrong sweetheart?" Revan ushered in Mission and sat her on her own bed while Canderous sat in the chair facing the bed, "why are you crying Mission? Did you and Zaalbar argue again?"

Mission shook her head, "I confronted Carth about him feeling down and I told him that he shouldn't have been so mean like a Rancor during a mating season, a-a-a-and he said 'If I asked for a KIDS opinion I would have said 'Kid, what's your opinion!' BUT I DIDN'T! I don't care for her! GET OUT OF HERE!' Rev, I didn't mean to make him so a-a-angry!!!" Revan watched Mission dissolve into fresh tears and she held the teenager Twi'lek in her arms and consoled her like a mother would patting her lek'uu and rubbing her back consolingly. After Mission had dozed off in her bed, Revan stood and glared at the doorway, "Now he's pissed me off, Zaalbar won't have to rip his limbs off because I'll do it!"

Somewhere she is on the streets

Trying to make things better

Praying to God and breathing deep

Gotta break this long obsession

The look on her face, a waste of time

She won't let go gonna roll the dice

Losing her grace, starts to cry

I feel her pain when I look in her eyes

Revan stormed to the cockpit and punched the codes in to override the door, once the door opened she saw Carth sitting there blaster in hand cleaning the weapon, "CARTH ONASI!!! WHAT GIVES YOU THE FRACKING RIGHT TO YELL LIKE THAT TO MISSION?!"

Carth glared at Revan, "And what right do you have storming into the cockpit of MY ship!? Are you going to pull more Jedi mind tricks on me!?"

Revan snarled and she used the Force to pin him up to the Durasteel wall, and growled in a low but deadly tone, "This isn't your ship Republic…. Canderous and I are the ones who stole it! Not you! You stayed safe and sound in that little apartment on Taris! And if it wasn't for me caring so much about you, I would have left you on Korriban!"

I wanna be

I want everything, I want everything

If I had everything would I still want to be alive or want to be high

If I had everything would I still want to be alive or want to be high

Now and then she talks to me and sometimes writes me letters

Revan narrowed her cobalt blue eyes and glared at Carth once more, "You are really starting to push my buttons, If you want me to be the Dark Lord again, I'll fry you to a crisp!!!"

Jolee Bindo heard the commotion from the Med-Bay and he was about to run to the cockpit when he heard Revan roar in pain and Carth shouting and he heard a body land on the floor of the briefing foyer room. Jolee stepped out and saw Revan holding a profusely bleeding arm, Jolee rushed out and grabbed Revan while Juhani grabbed Carth. "What happened here Missy?"

Revan was glaring daggers at Carth, "I told him not to yell at Mission and for him to stop being pig headed!!! And that if he wanted me to be back to the Dark Lord I could EASILY change my ways!"

Carth stood up, and snarled back, "AND THAT'S THE REASON I SHOT YOU!! SITH WHORE"

A sickening crunch was heard as both Canderous and HK-47 punched Carth in the jaw. HK-47's eyes if they could show emotion they would be seething in a desire to murder the meat bag before him. Canderous on the other hand was pulling his fist back for another shot when Revan grabbed his arm.

HK-47 looked at his creator and his master and asked, "INQUIRY: Master can I ventilate this meat bag scum?"  
Canderous rapidly nodded in agreement to HK-47's statement.

Revan Gazed down at Carth who had blood dripping from his mouth, "No…. He's our pilot. And no matter what he says he still is a part of this crew. He needs to learn that it wasn't I who gave the orders for the destruction of Telos. Im going after Malak for myself and everyone who he has hurt!!!"

Canderous glared down at Carth, "she isn't the dark lord any longer…. You would do well as to remember that!"

The look on her face, a waste of time

she won't let go gonna roll the dice

Losing her grace, starts to cry

I feel her pain when I look in her eyes

I wanna be

I want everything, I want everything

As Canderous strode off after Revan to check on her, Jolee and Juhani shook their heads, Jolee spoke up first, "Carth, you need to have patience… She has more on her plate than she expected and she's trying to keep up as best as she can…." Jolee healed Carth through the Force and him and Juhani walked off talking softly.

Carth knew in his heart that he had blown his last chance to ever get her to love him to hell and back….. He turned and saw Canderous draw Revan in his arms and held her there while she sobbed.

Your eyes, never close your eyes

And open up your mind

and you can have everything.

Your eyes, never close your eyes

And open up your mind

and you can have everything.


End file.
